This is it! The most important vote to protect American citizens from a debilitating fashion faux pas is upon you!

As your constituent, I urge you to do everything in your power to end this wave of misguided, multicultural, unisex fashion nonsense. "Plumber’s crack". Once confined to construction sites and kitchen sinks, "plumber's crack" has ravished our nation. Having infiltrated the fashion realm in the form of hip huggers and hip hop, beach bottoms and blue jeans, the patch of skin that stretches from the upper buttocks to the lower back is now perpetually on display. This is not a region of the body meant to be seen, never mind showcased. With the slightest squat, crouch or slump, crack is revealed.

Inadvertent accident? Maybe.
Deliberate lack of decency? Probably.

Either way, seeing crack is whack. And it must be stopped!

Until every single citizen has hips, tummies and bums worth boasting, I implore you pass legislation that requires people to wear a CRACK FLAP, if not a belt. We need to stop the cringing and return to a time when one could walk the streets without fear of butt crack. We owe it to our fashion savvy and to our future generations.

The time to act is now. Please let me know what steps our government is taking to ensure that exposure to "plumber’s crack" is behind us.

Sincerely,
A Concerned Citizen